dirty deeds done dirt cheap
i’ve done a very bad thing, punkers. i went to mcdonalds today. boy, was it fucking good. normally i try to hide my guilty little pleasure because most people i know would be appalled to learn that i like to eat mcdonalds. “i’d never put that shit in my body.“ but you’d drink a coors lite?
so not only was that shit tasty, it was cheap. i’m a quarter pounder with cheese girl (although i recently discovered i like the angus bacon and cheese snack wrap when i just need a little something). a QPC extra value meal is only $5.79 and includes the world famous fries and an icy cold soda. now if i went to a pub or a fancy steak place for a burger and fries, we’re talking $10-$20 plus tipping some wait person with too much flare.
and the calories would be like doubled. here’s a breakdown of my meal:
quarter pounder with cheese: 510 calories
medium fries: 380 calories
bottled water: 0 calories (i get the water because soda is too many calories and it’s only good the first couple sips, unlike franzia, which is well worth the calories. see that’s the thing about my calories…i’m all for racking em up as long as there’s flavor involved. nothing worse than consuming calories on something that doesn’t taste great.)
back to the math. if i ate a fancy burger and fries at 2x as many calories, that’s over 1700 calories. so i get my fix and don’t do too much damage. you say whatever, i say brilliant.
let’s talk fries. i add salt that comes out too fast from those little packets they give you. yeah i add salt to that shit. you eat chinese food. druthers. i like to eat my mcdonald’s fries one at a time. this way you really savor the flavor. eating them a bunch at a time is like chugging a good tequila. protocol. now truth be told mcdonald’s fries actually used to taste better awhile ago when they fried them in a mixture of about 7% cottonseed oil and 93% beef tallow (you come here for the thorough research, don’t ya?). but then all the people who really want to eat them but torture themselves by not complained about the high cholesterol in the fries so MickeyDs switched to pure vegetable oil. sacrilege.
and before y’all go asking me if saw supersize me or fast food nation, no i purposefully did not see these movies. why would i take my own grease sunshine away? i don’t want to know what ingredients are used, or to examine the meat packing industry, or any such nonsense. you say irresponsible. i say lighten the fuck up. i’m not eating 3 meals a day at the golden arches for 30 days in a row and consuming over 5000 calories a day without exercising. so stupid.
i get that there are better foods for you that taste just as good, and even mcdonalds offers healthy food options (although i don’t konw why anyone would go to mcdonalds for a salad when there are burgers, nuggets and fries on the menu. besides that’s what saladworks is for.) but i think a little self-indulgence is healthy. denial will be the death of you. if you’re down with this premise, you might also want to read my diets are dumb post.
i’m tired of doing the walk of shame from my beamer into a mcdonalds hoping no one will see me. (oh btw i dine in because, i forgot to mention above, my world famous fries must be hot.) from now on i’m going to hold my head up high, get my QPC on and hope mcdonalds is doing the monopoly game. it’s back by the way and 1 in 4 wins!
how do you eat your fries?
do you dine-in or drive-through?
what are you ashamed of?
do you also eat at yo quiero taco bell?
ps: you can blame this silly post on denny delvecchio who commanded i write a new post. bet you’re wishing you hadn’t, huh denny? anyway, thanks for the encouragement.
Bravo! It’s like you’re a freedom fighter… More salt from the podium!
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:33 pm
i crusade for grease and sodium. i’m fly like that.
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My great shame is drinking too much during family parties. Here is the problem, I drink to overcome my anxiety related to be around certain of these people (only a few of em truly suck) and that only leads me to fulfilling those same people’s assumptions about ‘Linda possibly having a drinking problem’. Shit, I only do it around these people to deal with being around these judgmental, mean assholes….and so it goes. Miss you, love you!
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:35 pm
i say we have a judgement day for judgemental mean assholes. yeah how bout that. and i miss you so much it hurts.
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I don’t eat anything at McD’s, unless I have coupons for the McMuffins. I also use the shit out of the dollar drink days, as my midsection and ass can attest to.
I’m vegetarian and sometimes vegan, which really limits stuff, even fries if I want to be anal, since they are fried with the chicken and stuff. Even the sour cream at Taco Bell has gelatin in it. Fuckers.
Do you have Lick’s in the US? That shit is GOLDEN. Nature burger is fantabulous!
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:39 pm
how did i forget about sausage mcmuffins and hash browns. best breakfast eva! never heard of lick’s but i’m assuming the nature burger isn’t an all beef patty? i mean nature burger is an oxymoron for chrissakes.
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My wife just said we’re having pizza for lunch next weekend so who am I to judge?
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:40 pm
wait, pizza is healthy. is it not. how are you going to wait until next weekend. i need that shit at least 4x a week.
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GOOD FOR YOU! There’s nothing wrong with McDonald’s or any other fast food place you crave, so long as you’re not eating it three times a day every day, big deal right? Besides the fries are SO DAMN GOOD. I’m not a meat eater so fries are all I ever have but holy god, when you want them you MUST get them or I’m pretty sure you explode. Which is why I have never tested the theory just in case.
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:43 pm
thank you, love. healthy is nice but convenience fucking rules.
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Fridays are junk food night at our house, so the chicken nugget rules. I prefer the filet o fish, with just under 400 calories. I have a complaint about the fries, however. I don’t think they are real potatoes now. I could swear they all used to tast much better and I think it is because once upon a time, they were real potatoes but now they are some gluten/potato mixture that we consume out of nostalgia but if we were really to stop and think about it we would realize we are missing something. Or maybe, like you say, it is just the absence of animal grease…
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:48 pm
oh no, i dont have to think about it. they’re not the same! i want the old fries back. mcdonalds changed their fries for a bunch of whiners who don’t eat them anyway. what they should have done to address the complaints against mcdonalds and other fast food geniuses was to just add healthy items to the menu. they NEVER should have changed their perfect fries. if it aint broke, don’t fix it. if i were mcdonalds, i’d bring back the original fry and make it a worldwide advertising campaign. restaurants serve up this shit all over the place. mccdonalds should too. stick with what you do best and then offer options for the fringe.
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:49 pm
crazy how fucking passionate i am about this. i’m so strange.
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Never get fries. Don’t like them. And I am a two cheeseburger, followed by a pepcid girl.
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:50 pm
2 cheeseburgers? respect!
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Alive….she’s alive!
No shame in liking what you like. If you’ve going to sit there and watch me eat chinese food at least come over and say hello
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:51 pm
hello, i miss you, and may i have extra plum sauce? (and don’t gyp me on the fortune cookies.)
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omawarisan Reply:
July 27th, 2011 at 8:25 pm
done! mu shu with extra plum sauce, be right there.
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When I do go. I go all out.
Big Mac, no onions. Fries. Coke.
Loads of extra ketchup.
Loads of extra salt.
And I drive through.
I don’t like people.
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:52 pm
atta girl. i get extra ketchup too. ketchup is the king of condiments!
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subWOW Reply:
July 28th, 2011 at 12:53 am
I don’t like to eat people either.
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I have wet dreams about Taco Bell. Truly. [insert sour cream joke here]
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:54 pm
i myself would like to chalupa. (it’s a verb, right?)
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My name is Tom G., and I am a McDonald’s Fry-a-holic.
(Hi Tom!)
I second everything you just said. QPC with Fries is one of my guilty pleasures. Cheap, Fast, Hot, just like LiLo’s crotch… er… forget I said that.
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 9:58 pm
i too was hooked at a very young age and fight the disease every day. well at least every weekend, pms day, and bad day at work. so 6 out of 7 seven days.
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i watched the movies you mentioned along with king corn and read the ominvore’s dilemma. after learning how the meat is raised and processed i’ll never again eat another fast food hamburger let alone the so-called “chicken” mcnuggets. the fries are one of the only things sold that do not include high fructose corn syrup at mcdonald’s. who would have thought that they could be the best things to eat there. they certainly are the tastiest with loads of salt
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 10:01 pm
woot! no high fructose corn syrup? damnit. maybe that’s where mcdonalds has gone wrong with their new fries.
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I haven’t watched the movies on purpose. I read some of the Ominivore’s Dilemma, and none of The Jungle. I’ve worked in the food industry and know not to piss off the help. McDs is always an option when travelling and is a standard stop for fries on the weekends while running errands. Shame? I feel shame when I go to Starbucks because I know it’s just throwing money at someone who is already rich.
Taco bell? Ah… yes, please. Extra sour cream.
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 10:06 pm
know what, hope? i like you. i like you a lot. i bet your crazy bangin website designs are sometimes even fueled by the energy inducing ingredients in mcdonalds fries. and fourbucks should be ashamed for selling such piss poor tasting coffee. they should brew that shit in mcdonalds fryers or something.
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I have to say, I think McD’s fries are like the crack cocaine of fast food. Which is why I only eat
them like twice a year. Also, fun fact, there is NOTHING better that will cure a hangover than a small burger, large fry and a coke. Just sayin’.
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 10:08 pm
word! and thank you for acknowledging the McD fries as dominating! (franzia better watch out, cuz i could be on my way to a fully paid mcdonalds sponsorship. say yeah, bitches.)
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Food shame…burned hot dogs over a bonfire by the beach. Sand on your dog keeps you humble! Glad to see you back…and salty as ever!
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patty punker Reply:
July 25th, 2011 at 10:09 pm
“salty as ever”! that’s awesome!
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I’ve wondered where you’ve been, and now I know, you dirty girl. I am a freak about anti-fast food. i used to have bad dreams about someone trying to make me take a bite out of a McDonald’s hamburger. But I’ll take down half a bag of those Kettle ships, you watch me.
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patty punker Reply:
July 26th, 2011 at 8:52 pm
kettle chips are legit but not when you need something more. i.e., a nice long fry.
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Glad you took Denny’s advice and posted
As for how I like me fries? Well, before Wendy’s changed their style of fries, my favorite guilty pleasure was dipping Wendy’s fries into a Chocolate Frosty. OMG awesome.
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patty punker Reply:
July 26th, 2011 at 8:55 pm
niiiice! that surpasses dunking an oreo in milk.
now me, i don’t dip my fries, not even in ketchup. nor do i think they belong on sandwiches or burgers. a fry stands alone.
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Now I’m hungry for fries. I don’t eat burgers, but I do get cravings for salty McD’s fries… and I like them with ketchup. I used to like to eat them with a chocolate shake. I know EXACTLY what Dr. Cynicism is talking about! That shit is good!
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patty punker Reply:
July 26th, 2011 at 8:56 pm
dunking is legit. as long as your not denying their power.
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Funny, I never thought of you as much of a drinker Linda!
@Linda
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patty punker Reply:
July 26th, 2011 at 8:58 pm
the girl can hang, i tell ya.
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I LOVE McD fries. When the first McD opened in Taiwan, it was near my junior high. Oh man. A trip there was like a trip to a fancy French restaurant. We would pool our money together and get a large fries and sit there for 4 or 5 hours. Yes, there will always be a soft spot in my heart for McD. And like Confucius said, Everything in moderation. There is no shame in your love affair. Shout it out baby. Shout it out.
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I’m a Big Mac girl and I don’t eat the fries, but then I don’t really eat anyone’s fries.
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If I position it *just* right I can fit an entire cheeseburger in my mouth with only a little pushing.
There you go, I just handed everyone the “what else can you stuff in your maw?” opener so have at it.
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I drive through and then eat my fries out of the bag in the passenger seat. If there aren’t any on the bottom of the bag (overflow) I drive through again and punch the guy who handed me the bag in the face.
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I recently discovered Weinershnitzels. They make a boss sandwich called Polish Sandwich. It’s a Polish sausage sliced in half with a huge pickle, mustard and rye bread. Eating it is the closest thing to a true Montreal Smoked Meat sandwich. And I love it. Yummmmmmmm! But then again, I could go on and on and on about guilty pleasures since they seem to be my middle name!
Boohay to all the Polyannahs!
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People can bitch all the want, make faces at me while I’m eating them and walk away disgusted, but I fucking love those fries and will eat them if I so fancy!
I guess it might help if I didn’t eat them at the gym while walking on the treadmill…
Eh. Fuck ‘em and their skinny asses.
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Pu-leeze! I watched Super Size Me and I still love that shit! I’m pretty sure watching some fat guy drop dead in McDonald’s wouldn’t deter me either.
And they really do have the BEST fries!
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I will answer all of your questions in full… as soon as I’ve been to the visit the golden arches!!
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