All has settled down on the home front. Thanks for all of your love, kindness, and insights. I’ve got all kinds of big love for each and everyone of you punks.

So with spring on the way, I’ve decided to go on tour and promote my new blog. I don’t have anything scheduled yet, but I’m sure once my publicist gets the word out, all of the very important magazines (VIM) will want in. To make sure I’m ready for my interviews with the likes of Playboy, Vanity Fair, and Esquire magazines, I’ve prepared some answers to the questions I am likely to be asked.

VIM: What is your blog about?

Patty Punker: Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Random acts of ridiculousness. Surprise and happy endings. The C word. V things. My raging celebrity crush on a certain male blogger. List making and other addictive behavior.

VIM: Why did you start blogging about this stuff?

Patty Punker: Because I’m really a chick bass player in my own mind. And that’s how we rock stars live. Write about what ya know, ya know?

VIM: Who would be interested in reading this blog?

Patty Punker: People who enjoy depravity and who believe engaging writing should contain superfluous use of the F word.

VIM: How long have you been blogging?

Patty Punker: I just started blogging in December 2009. But because I have an addictive personality, I can’t stop. My first blog was a beginner sitch and was hosted on wordpress.com (pattypunker.wordpress.com), but now I’ve gone Pro and am hosting my own blog.

VIM: Why did you decide to go Pro?

Patty Punker:  So I could sell some ads and make extra money to support my nicorette gum habit. That shit is more expensive than my street drugs.

VIM: What other blogs do you follow?

Patty Punker: I worship the words of MommyWantsVodka, The Bloggess, Tremendous News, A Vapid Blonde, Wicked Shawn, The Checkout Girl, Pointless Banter and Stuff-about.com.

VIM: Where do you get your inspiration?

Patty Punker: Aunt Becky of MommyWantsVodka is my own personal Jesus. I read her like I read the Bible. I learn from her like I learn from religious ed class. I wish she were a sacrament so I could receive her. She saves my soul everyday.

VIM: Why should we subscribe to your blog?

Patty Punker: Because I get my crank on without nicorette gum and I can’t afford nicorette gum without ads and I can’t get ads without subscribers. Oh and sexual favors may be bestowed.

VIM: What advice do have for your fans?

Patty Punker: Work hard and play hard. If the hard work doesn’t pay off, become a high-end escort so you can afford to play harder. In other words, never quit hooking.

VIM: What advice do you have for new bloggers?

Patty Punker: Yeah right, cuz I’m a veteran or any good at this shit. (Like how self-deprecating I can be?) But I do have something to say here. Be honest and be true to your punk self. Reveal your soul. Don’t water it down because you’re afraid of exposure. This is your chance to say what’s really on your mind, so do it full throttle or don’t do it at all. Safe is soulless.

VIM: So what’s next for Patty Punker?

Patty Punker: Having the Coen Brothers write a movie about a week in the life of blogger, Patty Punker. Frances McDormand (a chick who doesn’t bore me) will play me, obvs. There will even be footage of me writing songs and playing bass with the band.

Making lists energizes me.  I get a rush each time I come up with a new item for my list. I can’t rest until my list is complete. Then once it is, I’m pacified and relaxed. I can’t help thinking my body must crave list making because it’s so much like a street drug. Addictive.  I get up.  I get down. And need to continue the cycle.

The best way to explain my dirty little habit is to list the lists I keep on an ongoing basis: To Do (daily, weekly, and rainy day versions), Gift Ideas, My Wish List, Places I Want to Travel, Restaurants I Want to Try, Music I Love, Movies I Love, Names for a Pug (Baby was earlier), Stocks I Should Buy, Photographers I Love, and the list goes on.

Anyway, here are the Top 50 Rock Albums of the Decade (cuz I am a list dork and know my music shit):

50. arctic monkeys – whatever people say i am, that’s what i’m not

49. xx – studio album

48.  the shins -oh, invented world

47. the strokes – is this it

46. blitzen trapper – wild mountain nation

45. black eyed peas – the end

44. the postal service – give up

43. grizzly bear – veckatimest

42. interpol – antics

41. rogue wave – asleep at heaven’s gate

40. kings of leon – because of the times

39. editors – an end has a start

38. lucinda williams – world without tears

37. sonic youth – rather ripped

36. sonic youth – the eternal

35. shout out louds – our ill wills

34. sigur ros – hvarf-heim

33. sigur ros – takk

32. interpol – turn on the bright lights

31. frightened rabbit – the midnight organ fight

30. pinback – autumn in seraphs

29. clap your hands say yeah – clap your hands say yeah

28. thurston moore – trees outside of the academy

27. raconteurs – broken boy soldiers

26. dresden dolls – yes, Virginia

25.  avril lavigne – let go

24. freelance whales – weathervanes

23. fanfarlo – reservoir

22. modest mouse – good news for people who love bad news

21. hold steady – boys and girls in america

20. regina spektor – us

19. rogue wave – descended like vultures

18.lucinda williams – essence

17. yo la tengo – prisoner of love

16. wilco – ghost is born

15. the walkmen – hundred miles off

14. okkervil river – black sheep boy

13. red hot chili peppers – by the way

12. my morning jacket –z

11. flaming lips – yoshimi battles the pink robots

10. coldplay – parachutes

9. pete yorn – music for the morning after

8. sigur ros – (   )

7. the national – the national

6. the national – boxer

5. the national – cherry tree

4. the national – sad songs for dirty lovers

3. wilco – yankee hotel foxtrot

2. radiohead – kid a

1. the national – alligator

I love cities. I work and play in the city (Philadelphia). But I live in the burbs.  I still may live in the city someday, but not a city in the Northeast because I hate the extreme cold in the winter. I’d have to have a place to summer.  Maybe San Fran or Austin though. I chose to live in the burbs to raise a child. Not that there’s anything wrong with raising a child in the city. It’s just easier in the burbs and private school tuition isn’t necessary.

Many of my friends and coworkers live in the city. Sometimes I am hulk-green with envy. Then I get one of those snide comments about suburban dwelling and become defensive. You know the comments I’m talking about:

“I couldn’t live in the burbs. Everything’s vanilla.”

“It’s all the same no matter what town you’re in.”

“You have to drive everywhere. I’d miss walking to a restaurant or pub.”

“ There are no indie places, just chain stores and restaurants.”

Oh yeah? Like Philadelphia is absent of Chili’s, The Olive Garden, Applebee’s, Ruby Tuesday’s, Starbucks, Papa Johns, Manhattan Bagel, The Gap, Banana Republic, Express, Victoria’s Secret, and Williams & Sonoma?  In the burbs, there are plenty of Indie places. A few of my local faves include:

Cous Cous- Moroccan cuisine and hookah lounge in Cherry Hill, NJ. Lots of pillows and the best mango smoke this side of the world.  Plus the weekend DJ plays some tripped out house that just makes your shisha head feel like you’re dancing like a sugarplum fairy.

Myung Ga - Korean restaurant in Cherry Hill, NJ that even invented the Koagie[TM], a Korean hoagie. I heart the Chicken Dolsot that comes in a piping hot stone bowl and if you leave the rice on the bottom undisturbed it caramelizes and forms a crispy crunchy rice cake sorta thing.

Melange Cafe -  Louisiana cuisine with a touch of italian thrown in.  Who needs Emeril’s or K Paul’s when you have Chef Joe Brown in the hood. The best gumbo, jambalaya, and red beans and rice are really found in Cherry Hill.

Grooveground - Totally rad coffee shop/art gallery/music venue/gift shop in Collingswood, NJ. Spend a weekend morning or weekend evening here. Arresting ambiance. Great Bean. Good vibes. (PS: if you live in Collingswood, you can walk to Grooveground and all of your favorite stores and restaurants. Just like in the city.)

Joeys Boutique - Clothes, jewelry and accessories for chicks who rock. Very Cali. In fact, the merchandise is like the stuff worn by Karen on Californication but found here in Marlton, NJ.  So hip they don’t have a website yet, but I’m linking to a couple reviews.

Moore Brothers Wine Company- Unbelievable selection of Euro wines. All hand chosen by the owners. The incredibly grape-savvy staff are eager to help and don’t oversell. Moore Bros.  even lets you set up your own wine portfolio so you can track what you’ve bought and liked. But my favorite place on their website is ”BYOB.” It gives you a list of Philly BYOBs and the wines they recommend you take with (for those like me who dig playing in the city).

Speaking of shopping for food and wine … guess where some of my snootiest city friends buy their groceries and spirits. They pay the $4 toll to cross the Ben Franklin Bridge in their Zipcar just to come to our Wegmans, Whole Foods, Total Wine, and Moore Brothers.  Face it, state stores suck and we have plenty of parking.

City living is the coolest; I would never knock it. Just don’t cop an attitude about the burbs. It’s not all that ticky tacky.