a lot of cool people i know are participating in NaBloPoMo or NaNoWriMo. i don’t have time to do anything this involved because i’m participating in NaNuNaNu every day at the office. to give you an idea of who actually gets shit done around here, i present you my boss’s itinerary yesterday:

10:54 am: arrives for a “day of work.” mentions the train was running late.

11:02 am: logs into corporate network via hunt and peck typing.

11:05 am: grabs coffee and stale halloween cupcake with frosting botched from either the coworker’s commute or poor sense of frosting aesthetic and proportion.

11:10 am: eats cupcake and licks fingers with smacking noise despite the insufficient frosting.

11:18 am: heads outside to chase coffee and cupcake with a parliament light.

11:33 am: reads some emails. calls the admin into her office. “how do i add this to my calendar”?

11:58 pm: begins reading abcnews.com. watches video on pre-election results.

12:42 pm: takes a break from the news with a parliament light.

1:03 pm: microwaves lean cuisine four cheese pizza. checks out the WSJ in the kitchen while waiting.

1:05:30 pm: closes office door, eats pizza, and takes call from son at college. doesn’t bother to learn how to change her loud, egregious ringtone to vibrate.

1:41 pm: aids digestion by having a parliament light.

2:02 pm: writes some shit (son’s late term paper).

3:02 pm: that was a lot work. now jonesing . . . parliament light.

3:11 pm: craps all over my idea to do an email campaign and workplace posters promoting the smoking cessation program in light of the great american smokeout on november 18.

3:15 pm: musters up a better idea to have me do a campaign around the employee health assessment instead.

3:24 pm: researches trip to boston, decides to stay at boutique hotel in beacon hill.

3:54 pm: celebrates score on the hotel res with a parliament light.

4:10 pm: arrives 10 minutes late to a meeting and makes group repeat content discussed before she arrived.

5:00 pm: rides elevator back from meeting with me. “i’ll be out on thursday and friday; we’re going to boston for the weekend.”

most days she makes me feel like this.

typical corporate gumpy swag put to good use in this post

can’t wait to get this party started today.

shazbot!

i’ve received another blogger award. this one is called the end of days award and it’s from this dick who knows how to insult a bitch and crack her up all at the same time — with gusto. it’s pretty awesome.

there are no rules for this award. the only thing i have to do is post a short summation of what i would do if  the mayans were right about 12.21.2012.

i can do this. why the hell not. i don’t have anything else to talk about. oh except maybe this blogher10 conference i attended in nyc this weekend. essentially, it just confirmed for me that i don’t have anything to talk about. i obviously don’t take my blog seriously. fuck, i didn’t even have blogger business cards to pass out.

there are so many bloggers out there who are way more talented.  i don’t even know what i’m doing in the blogosphere.

i don’t have an original bone in my body. i’ve never even coined a word/phrase. i don’t mean like sarah palin (aka shakespeare) who coined “refudiate.”  but actual usable terms like fucktard, crapstorm, cock knuckle or lame sauce.

the homeless people on the street have more words than me. and they’re not even degreed in this shit. and they sure as shit don’t do it for a living where they might stand a chance of having the discipline beaten into them.  and i’ll be a monkey’s uncle if they can’t throw an f bomb way more poignantly.

hell, i can’t even monetize my blog properly. i don’t know how to tell a brilliant story and then tie it to the brand’s needs like one famous blogger (who shall remain unnamed). sure, i figured out how to use google ad sense but that brings in about .000000006 cents per day. however, i think after attending the blogher10 conference i have a blockbuster idea for raking in the ad dollars. just you wait and see! i may reveal it in my next post. if you’re lucky.

i did meet these awesome chicks who can blog like nobody’s business. even though i was my shy and typically socially awkard self especially upon meeting people i adore and admire for the first time, i had a blast partying like rock stars with them.

bugginword and absence of alternatives

a vapid blonde, brilliant sulk, bugginword, for the birds blog, me (who cares)

shy girl wishes she could be a fly girl or spy girl, brilliant sulk, dufmanno