once upon a time (last week) i dreamt that i flew away to a utopian world by the sea. it was a visually transendental trip and i saw the most fantastic things. (it was not unlike the kind of trip i had the first time i put acid blotter under my tongue in high school and saw floating M&Ms and could read my BFF’s thoughts from the other room. and music sounded more intense than ever. every instrument was like a string attached to my body and mind making my arms and legs dance and my brain pop. only this trip was much more real.)

there was a magnificent sea castle with an ocean view.

and the sirens of atlantis appeared before my very eyes.

then a cranky sea witch who always hated having her picture taken in a bikini emerged from the sea and i saw that her frozen strawberry potion had melted which may or may not have accounted for the reason she was not smiling.

but there were water ninjas determined to make the sea witch smile because they knew she shared their need for speed and non-stop exhilaration.

the sea witch lived in the tower of the doom where thunder and lightning sparks constantly shot out into the sky even amongst the bright sunshine and deep blue sea.

despite having to live in the tower of doom with the evil nunzilla,

the sea witch was made very happy by the beauty and adorned bodies of the nereids who surrounded her.

one night amphitrite (the tall sea nymph) was celebrating her 18th birthday so a handsome black knight brought his chariot to take the sea nymphs and their worshippers to a lively party.

that evening there was merriment and libations

and swings that made one giddy.

even the sea witch was so taken with all of the revelry, she broke out into some form of bohemian dancing (this is a euphemism because it’s hard to classify exactly what she was doing or explain why she had no makeup on).

and voila the birthday mermaid was presented with an abundance of decadent chocolate. (so the sea witch must have been doing a chocolate dance, obvs.)

the next day the sea witch decided to take the nymphs out on a boat to a place where the sea witch could share the wonder of her sea underworld.

the sea witch led them on a guided tour.

there were magical coral reefs,

blue angel fish,*

butterfly fish,*

and moon jelly fairies.*

it was a spectacular adventure and led the sea witch to feel very proud of her marine world. she decided she never wanted to return to the evil tower of doom or the harsh reality that she had known. so they all lived happily ever after amongst the nymphaeaceae.

the end.

*i know nothing of fish species so i made these names up.  fuck it, it’s my fairy tale so i can.